I am the joy in your heart and the despair of your mind – For love can attain that which the intellect cannot fathom. – Meher Baba 1966 via Meher Baba Calling
Whilst growing the most common phrase we heard was ‘use your mind’. Look around our household it suggest that mind is the king that keeps everything going. It seems to be the most important bearing for all mankind. Well did I follow this herd, oh yes of course I did but I couldn’t tag along for very long. I hit a place where I realised that it’s not the mind but the heart that needs to drive us. In my studies, I have known that 80% of our existence comes from our unconscious and subconscious self and the remaining 20% comes from semi-conscious or the conscious mind. All our feelings and emotions are seated in the sub-conscious mind our awaking our connection to our higher self, our intuition, our gut feel etc. these are the driving forces of our existence. To experience these, we need to open our heart and shut the mind.
When in love we hear, the heart speaks so clearly, we are in tune with every being we flow we glide every ounce of us is in state of bliss and ease. But the attitude of the mind will not allow the heart to breathe and sing its melodies. We may land up having constant fight or argument or break up as the mind is anxious and is in pain of being lost. We wonder if we are in so much love then why this commotion, this sadness. We find reasons to push what maybe great as the mind is tossing and turning it is afraid of hurt and to protect us it throws us right under the bus. It gives us solid reasons of why things won’t work for us. As it is based on data and if our track record suggests wherein we have seen or experienced bad relationships or jobs or not completed task etc. it will ensure that we don’t wind up completing this too and take us back to our original status quo. Mind has learnt how to protect us at that point and anything else however good can be treated as potential threat for our survival. We may experience a similar uneasiness/discomfort even when we join a new place or start something of our own, but we go through it as there is a monetary gain but in a relationship the gain is intangible and therefore easiest to let go.
We must also note here that mind is a fleeting monkey it can’t be satisfied, it wants something and will push us to no end to achieve it or when we about to/have achieve/d we lose interest. This is the violent nature of the mind and keeps us in the constant state of desires. These desires are or will always be in the constant state of attachment.
Mind has a transactional nature to it, in any relationship it does start counting things that were done by us for our partner, parents, siblings, friends and relatives. It likes to keep a tab on what was received in return to all the giving. This will constantly keep us away from being happy or satisfied as we would expect things to be received in a certain manner. We love everybody in our relation but it is overpowered and we may lose focus.
Mind is a task master and the operating phrases here are ‘I should do this’ or ‘I should be like that’ or ‘this or that should be like this or like that’ etc. this military approach of my way or highway or the one-sided view to self and life is major disaster for anybody involved. Mind wants to be perfect and I for one have experienced that being perfect means that you are looking at a void and that makes us behave and want acceptance from the society in a certain manner. Mind believes that through idealism it will achieve a state of satisfaction or happiness but it is clueless of what it would feel to be happy and even if it does achieve how will it know. As feelings come from the heart not mind.
It takes time for mind to learn anything new. It wants us to be happy and as here again for happiness the text book definition does not apply. For being in a state of incompleteness is also happiness as the mind has seen this for the longest time with you. So, if you complete something then there will be a violation. If text definition of happy relationship means – companionship or togetherness and if mind has seen separation and disharmony it will drive us to this point not the other. Mind has collected data of us being judged, of not being good enough, of being let down, abandoned, etc. these have resulted in the creation of lower energies and of fear, insecurities, rejection, loss, and betrayal. Our wounds have enabled mind to therefore take action based on lower energies. These decisions are to only protect us but this make us selfish, self-centered and our actions may hurt and scare others but the mind at that moment is not ready to have a micro view. We may think or believe that we are protecting ourselves and our close ones but we are not able to see the damage our actions are causing. As part of the collective consciousness we are also damaging our planet. (On this will speak later).
Mind operates at times in two extremes although in both cases it is functioning from the state of fear and uncertainty. In some cases mind has this innate need to know the future it wants to be prepared it wants to feel safe. And in some other, it runs miles away from the ‘p’ of the word ‘planning’. In both the scenarios if you have lived in a certain manner and are doing the opposite mind takes it as you are in danger and you will die and it will makes you run.
We were born perfect. we cried when we wanted to be fed or to be changed we just followed our needs not what the world wanted us to be. Then our parents started putting the process and systems followed by the rules and regulations. They trained us when to sleep, eat, drink, etc do understand that it’s not easy to have a child who will keep you awake through-out the night. Much love to my and the world parents who have or are raising child/ren. But there is a side effect to this as we have experienced when we were growing up we lost connection to our true self we lost connection to our inner voice, our inner self or heart, we moved from intuitive to a cognitive way of life. We moved from self to others we lost our individualism to peopleism. This new us started depending on the mind instead of the heart and we gave mind the steering wheel of our life.
I am nowhere suggesting that mind mustn’t be factored in while making decisions. We need to have healthy boundaries set for mind from becoming the driver. Mind is always the anxious and the restless one. Mind works on data and it is programmed to put forth our survival before anything else in the world but we are not on a war and we are no longer leading a primitive dwelling we have progressed and not everything has to be fight or flight or freeze. Mind most actions are triggered on negative thoughts which becomes our action. Most of us don’t know the difference of mind and heart suggestions. We have suppressed our hearts so much that it rarely speaks to us anymore.
Few suggestions –
Grounding – back to basics the more we are grounded the more we can allow our feelings to surface. Mother earth is beautiful and ever ready to embrace us only if we ask. Do daily grounding or most certainly when mind is giving too many suggestions and you are practically afloat. Firmly place feet on the ground if you can visualise and even if you can’t just say “hold my roots into you and ground me now mother earth or Lady Gaia”. It helps if possible to go in the nature and walk on the grass for a while. Mind at these places gets less anxious as it is distracted.
Energy Medicine – it is tapping and chatting that gives mind a knowing that it has been heard and while tapping you are realising and opening the block and the core issue is surfacing instead of just the symptoms. This practice has worked beautifully for me.
Writing – this is another effective tool of expression be it anger, disappointment or being heartbroken. Merely write it down and burn it. What follows is a state of relief and calmness.
Breathing – as infant we use to do deep breathing but we lost that as we were growing. Let us get back to deep breathing especially when we feel drained with too many thoughts. De-clutter and engage your mind with simple deep breathing. Just say SO-HUM, breathe in with a long SOO and breathe out with an even deeper HUMMMM.
Note the above will not happen in a single day or may not happen for years too, it’s alright there is a divine timing for everything. The more you push and insist on doing the more, the mind will oppose don’t forget it has kept you alive and not the reverse. You must work with your mind gently with patience. If you want to change it doesn’t mean that mind must follow it has been the driver for the longest time. Take baby steps it must know you value it is just that right now you wish to take a different route not what it is suggesting is incorrect.
Most importantly be kind to your body. There are chances that a high level of acid is getting accumulated with all the anger and despair that is generated with over stressing mind over the years. Eat healthy, eat light, walk and do yoga these help as body indicators to the mind that we are safe. When the physical body is not in check, the mind gets the signal of danger so it starts pumping and gets all worked up. Relax breathe and breathe until you feel the breath is easily entering and expanding your lower abdomen.
Our mind has the power to create reality through our thoughts that we feed it’s a straight law of attraction. Also, I have experienced that when you are in gratitude, mind is calmer and you can get the support even in your worst situations without panic.
“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!” ― Mark Twain
Ease and joy to all!!
