For this article, I am addressing GOD as a HE.
I do not have a clear memory about my introduction with GOD but earlier memory suggests that I perceived HIM as someone who will punish you for the smallest to biggest things if you didn’t behave, act, react in a prescribed manner. Being good at visualisation I saw HIM as a green one eyed monster whose only job was to follow me around the whole day to find ways to punish me.
I had experienced childhood set-backs that led to punishments, failures and disappointments and I gathered HE is unkind and who didn’t seem to like me and surely didn’t like to have much communication as my side was never heard. Also, I noticed that if I behaved as per some prescribed guidelines as presented by my parent He would make few exception in his severity of punishment.
My parents tried to glorify HIM and asked me to have faith and trust but the long of short was that I didn’t like Him, I didn’t want to obey and spent all my energy in pleasing HIM. As my parents feared HIM and being so young I too became afraid and of course I had to pass my exams and it seemed that if you prayed HE does give you good marks. So, there was a phase when I didn’t study and just prayed in the most crucial year of my education, well I failed.
There were questions that I had about GOD. I didn’t get any constructive understanding from HIM directly or from my parents or my religious teachers (who tried their best to get me to complete my holy book). I moved from being afraid to pretending that his existence doesn’t matter as in any case whatever I did was incorrect. As I moved from one phase of life to another my questions continued,
Who is GOD? Is GOD gender neutral?
What does HE do the whole day (beside following me around to find my errors)? Was I born to make errors for HIM to spot them and punish me?
Why is HE so rude and unforgiving?
If He knows everything and HE must care and love me then why am I in so much of trouble, hurt and pain?
Why was I experiencing so much of lack in – love, friendship, comfort, gifts, compliments etc.
Why was I encountered with unhealthy relationships? If they are not good then why must I begin them in the first place? Why doesn’t HE stop them from happening?
If HE can’t stop them from happening then HE can stop me from falling into my same pattern?
Why doesn’t HE have a linear way of communication, if I am going in a wrong direction tell me in the language I understand not through signs as I don’t not follow them. Why oh why there are wrong choices presented to me in the first place.
GOD speaks of peace and what is this feeling exactly?
What is forgiveness and how would I feel when I forgave?
When I look around, why is there so much sadness and why are there only few happy people (at least I saw it that way)?
Why was there no uniformity in his justice making style? Rich becomes rich and poor becomes poorer how is this justice? Sad became sadder and unhappy became unhappier.
My questions were increasing in form of bubbles covering the universe and had no clue that the day will come when I will have to take a closer look at all these questions.
And the D-Day arrived, during my first few sessions with my healer friend, when she asked me about my relationship with God (well this question was unexpected) and beside having nasty things to share I had nothing concrete or solid. My awesome friend tells me that ‘HE’ loves each one of us dearly and it is our ‘FREE WILL’ in which HE too can’t do much. She is so gentle with her technique that we didn’t speak about HIM for years, except occasionally there were HIS mentions. That session gave me the finding of my issue with GOD which was – I didn’t trust HIM, I didn’t believe HE could fix things or make them better. I had felt rejected and betrayed by HIM and therefore the less I spoke about HIM the better I felt it would be.
Life continued to unfold and I attended various workshops from Angels to Atlantis from connecting with lovely beings to Goddess, Devas, Ascended Masters, etc. but I was still not OK to talk about GOD. I knew they were HIS team or HIS form but still to have a direct face to face with HIM nope not ‘OK’. I am super excited to visit a temple (excitement becomes two folds when I am gifted bangles and I get to wear the tilak) mosque or a church or do a pooja or two but to imbibe a religion and then to call upon HIM can’t get that perspective.
With my same friend, during a session last year, we once again stumbled upon ‘the source’, ‘the one’, ‘the GOD’. I think she had gauged that it was time to have one more round of this conversation as the coming year was going to be about our faith and belief around GOD. I had arrived with my work on understanding that the world is my mirror and people reflected me from that point my friend mentioned that GOD is nothing but me and if I see HIM as a one-eyed monster well that is me too. HE dwells within ME as ME, HE has been watching over ME as HE has been watching over all HIS creation. I came from HIS light I am not borrowed and if HE the creator is perfect then there is no way on that I am anything less than perfect.
OH MY GOD!!! What just happened so all these years of anger, resentment toward HIM was all directed toward myself I had complained about me and been more than often disappointed with myself. The years of neglect the years of addiction to anger harming my body was all my doing to myself. When I feared of GOD I made that my reality and it reflected and I attracted fear based experiences and when I worried, he gave me more worry. At a cognitive level this is ridiculous but the universe/GOD understands only feelings and emotions. It was an easy explanation but I didn’t and wouldn’t have understood it earlier. That day was when the north pole shifted to the opposite side. I had heard few similar things in the past but had brushed them away but that day when I heard them from her I was more receptive and each words as I see them now was like opening of a thousand petal lotus.
The other interesting thing that I have understood is that HE is the central source and we are all connected to HIM which makes me as much connected to the billion population of this planet as you to me. We have a similar heart-beat, pulse rate, emotions of love, hate, anger, resentment etc. Everything about us is similar and but we are still so unique. HE has weaved us into this cosmic web with the earth and in this synchronicity as I lift myself and if each one of us does it together we will lift the energy of mankind and of the earth at large. All my thoughts and actions impacts each one of you and vice-verse. He is limitless, I am limitless and so are you. When I have happy and positive thoughts and when I laugh you all receive a part of my vibration.
My relationship with GOD is a work in progress its every small tiny step that I take towards myself is my guess that is leading me to Him (i.e. to ME). I do not know the four point or five-point agenda of GOD as I don’t know that about me either. If HE is me and vice- verse I have one non -negotiable agenda IS TO HEAL MYSELF and I work on this I am certain it has or will align to the bigger picture. Just imagine if each one of us decides to heal him or herself it will only heal the earth in turn helping us to increase our vibration and peddle us in a better way of life and existence.
Few suggestions that may help
Acceptance – we are here to learn and lift self and collectively lift the vibration of mother earth. Accept all the shades of grey that we have created for ourselves in this and across all lifetimes. If I am thin or chubby or black or blue or purple or kind or cruel or confused or afraid or frightened etc. so I am that. “I deeply and whole and completely love and accept myself without any judgments. I destroy and un-create all judgments, opinions, points of views about myself coming from across this or other dimension, space, matrix, past, present and future now.” Say this as many times as you wish and see what shows up for you, it will help you in seeing what is under the dirty rug and the build the strength to do the self-work.
Self – Care – being kind first to yourself and then extending it to your family, house and office help, and spread to others around you. Extending gentleness to self by being mindful of everything that you take inside of you whether food or liquid or thoughts will create your reality. When you manage this, you will automatically be kind to those around you and to the world. These small acts will take you the long way. A word of caution – not sure if without doing or attempting to do your healing work and by just putting a selfie on social media and hashtagging it as ‘selfcare’ creates the same impact. But if you choose to do that please go right ahead and paint the social red, pink, purple….
Receiving – We are deserving and we are here to receive. Allow yourself to let the feeling of love, kindness, compassion etc. enter each cell of your body. We are beings of pure light and we can receive by keeping aside our ego, guilt, shame, fear and all the lower energies. Call upon your higher self to help you open your heart to receive. So, it is.
Gratitude – makes the heart grow warmer. There are various things that can be done keep a jar or a journal or sheet of paper whatever you want. Now write daily one or 10 things that you grateful about it could be you grateful to be able to breathe effortlessly (there are people on ventilator), anything small to big and after every mention say thank you. If you can’t write say it while its happening or when you about to sleep. This is a subliming messaging to the brain that will help you increase more of positive experiences.
Bless You – I say ‘Bless You’ to everything from people to plants to things I bless them all as they are all contributing to my experiences that allows me to see what I am left to learn. When you bless people who have caused hurt and pain it will make the doer lighten up and also their job was tough and they took up the mantle for your learning. We are all beautiful and sensitive people and then if someone must be rude and insensitive well that takes a lot of effort to be that way. According to me to fail in an exam requires more hard work then passing, you have to find innovative distractions and not study. So, blessings to all the hard work and efforts to all those who help us in our journey. Also, this action by us informs the mind that it is alright and the work on the pain caused becomes manageable. Try and see the results of this act of kindness.
All these suggestions may help you get closer to yourself and easier it is to see, hear, feel experience GOD.
“I may not call myself as a wanderer but at a soul level I am a dervish who is fascinated by the world and its offering. When I travel inwards I see the deep colors of my inner being and when I travel outward I see the deep dark ocean of the space that keeps pulling me into it. There is the search for something that I do not see at this moment. There are no boundaries as I travel there is no one to stop and question to judge or comment. Here, I am in my wholeness in my completeness I travel through various shades and I bloom like a lotus. I dive into the sea and I dance with my dolphins I am in my own trance and this is the completeness that I seek. Is this what meeting GOD means I may not know right now but I do know that I will get there sooner or later.” – Zeenat Lakdawalla
Do let me know in the comment box below, how this resonates with you.